The Gods Discover Fanfiction
by Mibs Shadow
Summary: When Hermes introduces the gods to fanfiction, and encourages them to write stories, neither he nor the entire community of Olympus knows what they're getting themselves into.
1. Hermes Introduces Fanfiction

**A/N: This is my third story. Hope you like it! I don't own PJO.**

* * *

It was the winter solstice. The gods were all on Olympus, having their annual meeting. Even Hades was there (though he wasn't that happy about it, which he made quite clear). It was going as it did every year - someone brought up a topic, and the gods argued about it until someone decided to talk about something else (there's the gods for you). Hermes stewed in his seat, waiting for the gods to finish "discussing" whether or not to hire more Cyclopes to work on Olympus. Or rather, he waited for the argument to become so ridiculous and pointless that he would be doing everyone a favor by changing the subject. Hermes knew it would happen. It always happened.

When it got to the point where Poseidon and Zeus were arguing passionately about whether or not Cyclopes deserved the luxuries of Olympus, Hermes decided to step in.

"The Cyclopes crafted your bolt!" Poseidon was yelling.

Zeus opened his mouth to fire back in response, but Hermes intercepted.

"Hey, I have an idea!"

All eleven other gods turned and stared straight at him. Who would dare interrupt the Lord of the Sky? That was _not_ a good way to change the topic.

Zeus clenched his jaw. "_Yes_?"

Hermes gulped, feeling a lot less sure of himself now that he had all the Olympians' eyes burning into him. "Uh...I have an idea?"

Zeus crossed his arms. "It'd better be good."

Hermes gulped again. "Well, as you know, I created the Internet..." He looked self-consciously around the room. "...And, well, I found this really cool site... It's called fanfiction. You get to write stories and stuff..."

Athena stood up, and Hermes trailed off.

"You get to write stories?" she asked.

"Um, yeah."

"That sounds really useful." Hermes sagged with relief. "We all need to practice our writing skills, that's for sure."

Zeus raised his hand, cutting her off. "What's your point, Hermes? Why did you bring this up?"

"I thought...maybe we could make accounts." Hadn't he figured that out by now?

"And write stories," Athena added. "It'll be great for improving our writing skills, Lord Zeus."

Zeus thought about it. "Make accounts and write stories? Well, I have a lot of time to spare..."

"What do we write about?" It was Aphrodite.

"Books," Hermes replied. "You know, that Rick Riordan guy, the scribe at Camp Half-Blood - "

"Is that the one who had the nerve to publish a _book_ about us?" Zeus asked.

"Um, yeah. Well, a series, actually."

"A whole _series_ about the cute little adventures of little Percy Jackson and his friends," Zeus said scornfully. "Lalala, off they went to save the world..."

"Hey, they _did_ save Olympus," Poseidon pointed out.

"And it's not like the mortals actually believe it," Athena pointed out. "They think it's fiction."

Zeus was quiet for a moment. Then he said, "Sure, I'll make an account."

"That's not all," Hermes said. "You - you can also write about the gods, each other, and stuff. 'Cause we're characters in the books."

"Hold up." This was Apollo. "You mean, I can write stories, like, about _me_?"

"Totally."

"Oh, great." Artemis. "I suppose this means I have to make an account, too?"

"Ooh!" Aphrodite squealed. "I can write about _me_!"

One by one, Hermes got the gods to agree to make an account.

"Hey, guys, I can make a mini-archive." Hephaestus. "It'll show the stories _we_ write. Only us. It'll be like the regular archives, but only featuring _our_ stories."

"Awesome," Hermes said.

"Wait a sec." It was Apollo. "How do we make the accounts?"

Hermes took out his laptop and searched, "Fanfiction". He clicked on the first link. Then he clicked on "Sign up," in the upper right corner.

"So, look." He held up the laptop. "You need a username. I already know mine: UltimatePrankster." He smiled proudly. "Great username, I know. So, you'll need to come up with one. Next, your email. Yeah, your Olympus email. Like, mine is hermes olympus dot net. And you'll need a password. Mine's gonna be - erm, can't tell you that. Enter that in, and you have an account." He stood up and bowed proudly.

The gods cheered halfheartedly, not realizing that writing for fanfiction would prove to be a mistake. And a bad one.

* * *

**A/N: What did you think? Any ideas of stories the gods would write?**


	2. The Gods Choose Usernames

** A/N - Sorry for not updating sooner. I was away for a few weeks. I don't own PJO.**

* * *

**Athena's POV**

I turned on my computer and OlympusSearched "Fanfiction". I scanned the options.

_What is Fanfiction? Any questions you might have, all answered by Hermes_.

_Make your own Fanfiction username! Steps and advice brought to you by Hermes!_

And finally, _Fanfiction Archive of the Gods_. I clicked on it, and scanned the page for where to sign up. It was in the upper right corner. I clicked on it. The first thing they asked for was my username. I'd thought a lot about it, and I knew what I was going to do. I clicked on the box and typed in _Owl of Wisdom_.

Next, my email. _athena at olympus dot net._

Finally, my password. I thought for a moment, then typed in, *********. Wisestone. Wisest one. I clicked _sign up_, and the password box flashed red. Wait, I need a number? They could have told me that before. _With _an explanation. Because really, what's the point of having a number in your password? Exactly - there _is_ no point. Grumbling, I edit the password to wisestone1. Happy?

I clicked on _sign up _again. The screen turned white. I waited. Five seconds...ten... _Hermes_! Whenever he was in a bad mood, or really excited, or just wanted to annoy all of Olympus, the Internet went out. Twenty seconds... The page formed. It said...they would send an email so I could open the account.

They really wanted to make this as complicated as they could, didn't they. I sighed, and checked my email. It was there in my inbox, along with an email from Hermes.

_ Hey, guys, remember to make a Fanfiction account! Make it now! -Hermes_.

I rolled my eyes, and clicked on the email from Fanfiction. I clicked on the link, which took me to my account. I looked at the tabs on the left. Account, Publish, Private Messaging... And under each, so many more options! This account - just the account - was huge. I clicked on the different tabs, exploring the account. There was a place to make forums, another to make communities, another to make polls. There was a place where you could check to see if your favorite stories had updated, and another where you could post stories of your own. Oh, and here was where you could type your profile! I decided to type a bit in.

_I'm Athena. Yep - Athena. You've probably guessed that from my username. Anyways, this is me - goddess of wisdom and battle strategy, guardian of owls. Unofficially, I'm a defender of proper English. You will not see me using text talk, repulsive slang, or any of the other viruses that seem to have taken over the English language. I will stop to criticize any story I read that uses any of the writing styles above. I hope and expect you to use my advice._

Good enough, I thought. It certainly got the point across. I could revise it later if I needed to.

After a few minutes, I saw I'd gotten a PM. I went to the inbox. It was from UltimatePrankster. _Hey! This is Athena, right? Ha, of course it is. Who else would make their username _Owl of Wisdom_? This is Hermes. So, I was thinking you should go to the author page, and look at the other gods and demigods who have accounts. Try to guess who they are. -UltimatePrankster_

I clicked on the link, and was taken to a page with about fifty usernames on it, each a clickable link. I looked down the rows. LightningMaster was Zeus. SeeWaves was Poseidon, obviously. Bad joke. SkyQueen, that was Hera. Hephaestus was MasteroftheForges. Ares was ToughGuy. (Really, Ares?) Aphrodite was ThePrettiest. (_Not_.) Artemis was Moonlight Arrow. SeaweedBrain? Percy Jackson. Messed up sea spawn... Wise Girl - that was Annabeth. I liked it, I just wished she hadn't chose Percy's nickname for her. GrainyCereal, Demeter. Of course; she's obsessed wish cereal. I scanned the other usernames. FamilyHearth, DeathBreath, WineDude, AwesomerThanTheSun, PineconeFace. I recognized most of the usernames that followed.

I went back to my profile, and saw that I had another PM. It was from Moonlight Arrow. _Hey, Athena, I think Hermes overrated this a bit, don't you?_

Overrated? Overrated a site where you can write your own stories, give helpful criticism, do basically anything? Frowning, I replied. _I think it's great. The account is huge. You can write your stories about anything related to whatever book you want, or whatever the mortals think is fiction. We can get Aphrodite to improve her writing. And think, Artemis, you can write stories about Apollo. Or Zeus. Or you can protest against the stories that pair Thalia with Nico di Angelo. _

I sent the message, hoping that she wasn't offended by my mentioning the fanfiction pairing. I hoped it wouldn't start off a rant about foolish mortals and their silly ideas. That was the thing about Artemis. She was...touchy. Anything might set her off.

Before long, Artemis replied. _They pair Thalia with Nico di Angelo?_

Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that. _Apparently they do, _I typed back_. But you can write about the obligations of the Hunters._

I could just imagine Artemis sitting at her computer, horrified. I do hope that if Thalia leaves the Hunters, she doesn't start aging again. She was almost sixteen. I was nervous when I looked at her reply. _I could write about their obligations, true. Where do you think the horrible pairing came from? I don't see what it could have originated from. _

I thought about it, then replied. _I don't know. I don't see it in either of them. I don't think either of them started it._

Soon, she replied. _Well, I'll definitely be writing about it. Like, about how Hunters swore never to marry. _

Sensing that our conversation was done, I logged out. Artemis writing stories about Apollo, Apollo writing stories about Artemis (and himself, of course), I was sure the rivalries between the Big Three would arise, I knew Aphrodite would have some gossip to share... I saw future problems arising, and I wasn't even the prophetic Apollo. It occurred to me, not for the first time, that Hermes had made a big mistake in inviting us all to make accounts.

* * *

**A/N - Does anyone have any ideas of what stories the gods might write, or any plot requests?**


	3. Why Apollo is Better than Artemis

**Apollo's POV:**

Today I planned to write my first story! I knew what it'd be about: how I'm obviously so much better than Artemis. I logged into fanfiction, and saw that I'd gotten a PM. It was from someone called Moonlight Arrow. Gee, I wonder who it could be.

_AwesomerThanTheSun? The sun isn't even awesome to begin with. And you're most definitely less awesome than any planet or star. You're less awesome than almost everything._

She couldn't be serious. I responded, _I'm more awesome than you are._

Before she could PM me back, I went to the document manager where, according to Hermes, you wrote the actual chapter content. Document name? _Why Apollo is Better Than Artemis._ I clicked on _copy-n-paste. _A blank sheet was brought up, and I typed the chapter:

Apollo is better than Artemis.

He's so much awesomer.

Awesomer _is_ a word.

Apollo says it is.

That's why he's awesomer.

Because Artemis thinks it isn't.

Apollo stands for the Sun.

Artemis stands for the moon.

The Sun is hotter than the moon.

The Sun's first letter is capitalized.

The moon's first letter is lower case.

The Sun is more important.

Therefore, Apollo is more important.

Artemis can't marry.

Artemis _doesn't want _to marry.

Artemis forces girls to join her.

Artemis doesn't let them marry.

Apollo's cooler than that.

Even though he's the Sun.

Apollo is somehow _cool_ and _hot_ at the same time.

He has to be awesome to achieve that.

Artemis isn't either.

Therefore, Apollo is more awesomer than Artemis.

Satisfied, I sat back in my chair. Wait, how did Hermes say to post it? Publish, right? Yeah, I think so. Manage stories was next... Oh, wait, no, _new story_. I clicked on that, and was promptly told I had to accept the guidelines first. I clicked on guidelines, and scrolled down to where it asked me if I accepted the guidelines. I clicked yes.

I went back to New Story. I picked out the category, Greek Mythology - Percy Jackson not necessary. Soon, it asked me for my title: Why Apollo is Better Than Artemis. And then my summery: _Apollo is much better than Artemis, everyone knows that. Read for details._ I filled out the categories below, selected the document, and published the story.

An hour later, I checked on my story again. Seven reviews. My story was probably one of the first in the archive. I clicked on _reviews_.

Moonlight Arrow: Really, Apollo? Everyone knows I'm better.

Owl of Wisdom: Artemis is wiser than Apollo. And _awesomer_ isn't a word.

cheeseman (Guest): Artemis is cooler than Apollo.

FamilyHearth: I don't get it, why do you two have to fight so much?

ThePrettiest: artemis duznt mary!uv corse ur betr

SeeWaves: At least Artemis isn't Athena.

Guest: Artemis is _cool_. Apollo, however...

So Aphrodite was the only person who liked my story... Of all people, why Aphrodite? She only likes things the rest of us hate, as a general rule. Well, there were other ways to find out who was more awesome (even though I obviously am).

I clicked on _polls_. I blundered my way to the place where you made your own polls.

Question: Who's more awesome, Apollo or Artemis? (Hint: Apollo)

Options:

-Apollo (Yay, you're right!)

-Artemis (Think again.)

I grinned and posted the poll. People would see the correct answer right away: Apollo. Me. I decided to take a short nap before checking the results.

After my nap, I logged in again and checked my poll. Nine votes? My profile must be popular among the gods. I clicked on the poll, and looked at the results.

-Artemis: 9 (100%)

-Apollo: 0 (0%)

Favoritism! _I_ was more awesome! I was the _sun_ god! Mortals! Other immortals! No brain whatsoever! Even Artemis! _Especially_ Artemis. No. Perspective.

My nap wasn't enough; I'm tired again, and sick to the stomach. I decided to leave fanfiction for tomorrow.

* * *

**A/N - What did you think? Tell me in a review. **


	4. Demeter and Cereal

**Demeter's POV:**

You have one guess at what I ate this morning for breakfast. Yes, that's right - cereal! Nice, grainy cereal. The perfect breakfast. What kind of cereal? _Cheerios_! Yep, nice and plain. And it's cereal, of course. Can't forget the best thing about it.

After finishing my _delicious_ breakfast, I sat down at my computer and logged into fanfiction. I saw I'd gotten a PM. It was from...FlowersandSunshine. Persephone.

_Mother, I decided to take the morning off of cereal. I had pancakes instead. Speaking of cereal, please keep in mind that the majority of people don't take interest in reading stories about cereal._

She didn't eat her cereal? I groaned. I'd talk with her later. But now, it was time to type. I knew there were people - sane people - out there who appreciated cereal. Who also saw its worth.

I went to the document manager, and scrolled down. Document name? I thought for a second, then decided to get to the point. _Cerealcerealcereal_, I typed. I found the open box below it, and typed my story:

* * *

When it comes to Demeter, goddess of agriculture, you should really know this one very important fact: _cereal_. The one word says it all. Cereal is delicious, healthy, and grainy. Demeter, mother of grains, is also the goddess of cereal. She eats it for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks.

Though she loves all cereal, Demeter has her preferences, of course. Below, she has listed and rated some cereals:

-Olympus-Os. Round and grainy, these small tablets each have the face of a god or goddess on them! Demeter approves greatly of this delicious cereal, and awards it a ten out of ten!

-Persephone Flowers. Colored bran in the shape of flowers. Tastes fruity and delicious. It is stocked with healthy grains and vitamins! Demeter finds this tribute to her daughter particularly scrumptious, and awards it a generous ten out of ten.

-Demeter Yummies. Colorful, tasty balls. Grainy and yummy! Highly recommended by Demeter herself! And you should definitely try it - the goddess of cereal herself awarded this delicious cereal a ten out of ten!

-Gruel. Oaty and grainy. A popular treat! Even mortals love a good serving of gruel! Demeter is a huge fan of gruel. Tomorrow morning, _you_ should have gruel for breakfast - and then lunch, and then for dinner! It's bound to be tasty and worth the trouble of making it, for Demeter has given it a ten out of ten!

-Ambrosia Yay-Yays. A sheet of grain with a thin coating of delicious ambrosia! For extra _yay_ spirit, consider flaking the ambrosia with oats or barley. Demeter also recommends shaving off the ambrosia. Demeter awards this satisfying cereal a ten out of ten!

Demeter hopes that this guide to awesome cereals has served you well in picking out tomorrow's breakfast. She knows that any sane people out there will read this and agree with her judgment. Cereal is awesome!

* * *

I agreed to the guidelines, and then filled out the necessary fields. The title was "Demeter and Cereal". The summary was, _Demeter loves cereal. In this awesome story, Demeter will describe and rate some of her favorite cereals._

After posting the story, I went to the gods' inbox. I read through the few stories. There were about eight in total. They were all your average stories, I thought. A few argumentative stories, a few plot stories, all of that. Only one story stood out.

One thing that caught my eye was the title. It said _cereal_ in it. Hmm. I read through the summary. _Loves cereal. Awesome story. Favorite cereals._ Yum. The author must have been awesome.

I clicked on the title, and the story was brought up. I started reading. I loved the story. It was all about cereal. _All about cereal_. The amazing author talked about a bunch of cereals that I personally love. And best of all, she judged them each the most accurately one could.

Upon finishing the story, I decided to review. Every awesome story deserves a crowd of fans reviewing and favoriting it.

I clicked on the big box below. I typed, _You're amazing! We're so alike! Your opinions are so correct! So many people don't like cereal, and don't like writing or reading about it. I _so_ love this awesome story! It's the best I've ever read! I agree with you completely!_

I scroll up and clicked on _Follow/Favorite_. I checked all four boxes - following the story and the author, and favoriting the story and the author.

I decided to take a short break from Fanfiction. I went to my cereal storage room, and lugged out a box of Demeter Yummies. I got out a bowl and spoon, and started to eat. I ate until I finished the entire box. Then, I had a piece of an Ambrosia Yay-Yay. After finishing the delicious pile of cereal, I sat back in my chair and rested for a few minutes. Fanfiction was taxing.

I eventually got back to my computer. I logged back into Fanfiction. I clicked on "manage stories". I clicked on my story. Wait - one favorite! One follow! Both from GrainyCereal!

Oh, look - I got some reviews! I clicked on the red word, and the review page was brought up.

GrainyCereal: You're amazing! We're so alike! Your opinions are so correct! So many people don't like cereal, and don't like writing or reading about it. I _so_ love this awesome story! It's the best I've ever read! I agree with you completely!

DeathBreath: You are obsessed with cereal. Your obsession is not healthy. And why did you review your own story?

Guest: My god, you really like cereal this much? Cereal is tasteless and plain. I hate it! And anyways, what kind of made-up names are "Olympus-Os" and "Persephone Flowers" and "Demeter Yummies" and "Ambrosia Yay-Yays"? And do you really expect us to believe that you are Demeter? Oh, and I saw you've favorited yourself, and reviewed your own story. Seriously? Your ego is too big.

FlowersandSunshine: Really, Mother. People don't care about stories about cereal.

GrainyCereal? I loved that username. And her review, too! Oh my gods, I should _totally_ favorite her. I looked at the "Favorite Authors" page. Wait, she's already on it.

All right, Persephone. Go home and eat some cereal. It'll calm you down.

The other reviews, though, had no brain. How could they not like cereal? And what was this about me reviewing my own story, and favoriting myself? As I said, these people had no brains.

Sighing, I logged out of Fanfiction and closed my computer down. I sat down at my table and gobbled down some Olympus-Os. I'd write more about cereal some other time.

* * *

**A/N: Please review and tell me what you think.**


	5. Nico and Percy?

**Hades's POV:**

_ DeathBreath_. My creativity emerged. Honestly, when I heard the other gods were making accounts and planning to write on some lame mortal website, I was appalled. But I wasn't surprised. They tend to do stupid things.

And so I made an account. Wait, not _and so_. More like, I decided to prove to the gods that this is ridiculous. Wait, it's more like I just wanted to see what this was all about. That's the truth. But it isn't very Hades-y. So don't tell anyone.

So, after making my account, I went and read some mortal stories. After deciphering the strange grammar and spelling, I... Yeah, I think I should elaborate on that. I was struck by the weirdest things. What is "LOL"? I know English. Where in the Underworld did this come from? And "OMG", too. And "i". I almost messaged Athena asking her if mortals have decided to change the language and not capitalize the first letters of proper nouns and the first letter in a sentence and "i". And if they've decided the language is better without punctuation. And somehow, Aphrodite's the only person who's caught onto this strange, modified English. I was confused. (Don't tell anyone that, either. What? Isn't even the lord of the dead allowed to have secrets?)

So, onward. After translating the stories into an English I could comprehend, I found myself gulping down word after word. Ooh! Percy Jackson got killed here! Oh, look, Nico killed Kronos himself! I found myself searching up Nico stories. I found some references to Bianca in them. I avoided each. Most of the Nico stories I liked. But then I came across "Nico and Percy!"

Nico and...Percy? I read the summary: _Everyone knows Nico di Angelo. Everyone knows Percy Jackson. But do they know Perco? What is Perco? Read to find out!_

Perco. Never heard of it. What in the Underworld is it? Oh, look. If I read, I'll find out. Overcome by curiosity, I clicked on the story.

_It was Percy's birthday, the last day of the summer session. Percy was in his cabin, opening his presents. Suddenly, a shadow appeared on the wall. Percy stared. Then, a disheveled Nico walked out of the wall. The shadows subsided._

_ "Oh, Percy!" Nico squealed. "I'm so glad to see you! Happy happy birthday! I got you a present! Well, presents! Plural!" He held out a huge package._

_ Percy grabbed the package and ripped it open. He pulled out a diamond necklace, and then a box of heart-shaped candies. Then, he pulled out a valentine's card. "Thank you, Nico!" Percy said joyfully._

_ "No problem!" Nico said. "Think of me whenever you eat a chocolate!"_

_ He walked over to Percy and gave him a big hug, followed by a kiss on the cheek._

_ "Oh, Percy," he squealed. "I love you!"_

Repulsed, I shoved the computer away from me. What was _this_? Perco? Oh... Horror dawns on me. Perco. Percy and Nico. No, no, no. What has happened to mortals? Horrified, I clicked on the review box.

_Oh, no. You cannot possibly believe that my son would ever do anything like this. Nico is much too good for Percy. And he isn't...like that. And he doesn't _squeal_. Learn your facts, or you'll have an angered Hades on your tail._

I clicked "submit review as DeathBreath". Breathing heavily, I went back to my profile. Nico doesn't _squeal_. percoluvr would have to realize that. How to further get that point across? Write a story.

I named the document "Nico and Percy?" Sounded like a decent name. Then I typed the chapter:

* * *

Once upon a time, Percy Jackson thought he was so brave and great. He went down to the Underworld to blackmail Hades. He thought he was better than his uncle, the god of the Underworld. He tried to bargain for his mother, who Hades, in all his awesomeness, had captured.

Hades was not happy. He traveled two years into the future and brought his son, Nico, back with him. Nico's sister, Bianca, had died, so Hades was left with only the boy. Anyways, Nico came and aided his awesome father in defeating the notorious Percy Jackson. It did not take long, for Jackson was not as strong and great as he had pretended.

Hades and his son - who, by the way, does not _squeal_ - destroyed Percy Jackson easily. Then, along came the blind mortals.

"Evil!" one said.

"Nico, how could you destroy your boyfriend?" another asked.

"Nico, is it true that you squeal?" a third questioned.

"I heard that you're dating Percy Jackson!" a fourth yelped.

"No!" Nico said proudly. "I am not evil; Percy Jackson is. I destroyed him for that reason. I am _not_ dating Percy Jackson. He's too low. Boy, he wishes, though. And _I do not squeal_."

"But we thought that you were Percy Jackson's squealing boyfriend!" the mortals said, distraught.

"That is a lie!" Nico replied. "Whoever told you that had no brain."

"He is telling the truth!" Hades added.

"Okay!" The weak minded mortals bowed and offered Hades gifts on their way out. He was too great to accept.

**Note from Hades: ****_Nico does not squeal_****.**

* * *

Ah, yes. Very good. I went to New Story. Title: Nico and Percy? Summary: Nico is not dating Percy. Nope. Never. Don't believe it. Revised history. Dedicated to percoluvr. Nico does not squeal.

Satisfied, I posted the story. Then, there was a knock on the door. A spirit. Bringing spirits.

After I finish a glass of Underworld Spirit, I watch Sisyphus struggle with his rock for an hour or so. Then, I go back to my story. I log into Fanfiction, and go to my story. Oh, look. Reviews.

Moonlight Arrow: For once, I agree with you. Perco is bad. Boo. But one thing: what's the whole Nico squealing thing about?

percoluvr: Are you kidding? Perco is so awesome! They're just meant for each other! You're crazy. Perco forever! It shall take over the universe! And do you really expect me to believe you're Hades? They're myths!

ThePrettiest: Ooh la la. I checked out percoluvr's story. I LUVD IT! Best story evah! Faved it. But this is BAD! Perco rocks! It's lovely romance, after all. Romance yeah!

Guest: Perco is cool, dude. Don't be a hater. And who said Nico squeals?

Wait...seriously? Weirdest thing: Artemis sided with me. Artemis _sided_ with me. She _never_ admits that I'm right, even though I always am. She _never_ agreed with any male god. Ah, how did I score points with _Artemis_? Well, it was a silly question. Obviously, my opposition to Perco did the trick.

And, wait. I clicked on the story title, and sure enough, Moonlight Arrow favorited my story. And, oh, man, how did this -

A (1) flashed up next to the words "Private Messaging". What... Why in the Underworld would someone message _me_? The gods _never_ messaged me except for demands. Like, Zeus and Demeter demanded I give up my bride. And demigods, like Percy Jackson and Orpheus, come trying to blackmail me or steal back the dead. _No one_ sends the Lord of the Dead polite, nice messages. This was weird.

The PM was from Moonlight Arrow. Artemis. It said, _Look, Hades, don't let your head get any bigger. Just because I agreed with your story and favorited it does not mean that I am on your side about anything._

Hmm. Can she read minds? I replied, _Good. I'd hate to have your agreement on everything._

Soon, she replied, saying _Well, then you're in luck_.

Aw, come on. She wasn't supposed to say that. She was supposed to be _hurt_, and be, like, "How could you say that? How could you not want my agreement? You're mean." That's how people usually are to me. I like it. Gives me some satisfaction. Like my actions have some result.

I tried to respond, but she didn't reply to any of my attempts. Eventually, I decided to leave the matter be. She was impossible. No use arguing with her.

I looked at my story again. Another review. I went to the page and read it.

DeathBoy: Uh, Father, this is weird. The mortals are out of character. They wouldn't give up that quickly. And of course I don't squeal. Who ever said I did?

I groaned, and sent my son a PM. _Nico, I know you don't squeal. percoluvr doesn't. Read his story "Percy and Nico"._

After a minute, Nico responded. _Wait, you mean people actually write about this?_

_Just check out percoluvr's story, _I reply.

I continue exploring my huge account. Nico's PMed me again. _Father, on percoluvr's profile, it says she's a girl._

Huh? _What does that have to do with anything? I don't care about what his gender is._

Nico PMed back. _Her gender, you mean. Because you kept referring to percoluvr as "him" and talking about "his" story._

Exasperated, I replied, _Did you read the story or not?_

_I did_.

I shake my head. Nico could be so annoying. Even without squealing. I went to percoluvr's profile and scrolled down to his - _her_ - stories. I clicked to see the reviews of "Nico and Percy". I quickly found Nico's review.

DeathBoy: I, Nico di Angelo, do hereby affirm that I have not committed the acts of squealing or dating Perseus Jackson at any point in my life.

That was fancy for a review. I PM Nico and tell him just that. He didn't respond, so I shrugged and logged off. Whatever. I'd do more another day.

* * *

**A/N - Yes, I made sure there wasn't anyone with the username "percoluvr" before writing this. **

**For four chapters, I have fewer reviews than I have follows. So, please review! Thanks!**


	6. Aphrodite the Prettiest

** Aphrodite's POV:**

Time to write! Leo _insisted_ that I put in spell check, but I didn't see why a beautiful heart-striking goddess like I should listen to some grimy son of Hephaestus. My husband's child, who was not my child. He _cheated_ on me! I was the only goddess who should be able to marry so many men! Uh, well, reverse for the gods. Ya know. Or maybe I should be _honored_ and _proud_ that the other gods are marrying, even if their spouses are mortal. Love, still! Though inter-species.

Athena said writing is good for the mind, and good for the soul. She said I'd better perfect my English. (And Greek, and Italian, and Spanish, and French, and Japanese, etc. All those languages I'm supposed to know. But Athena was the only person who actually _knows_ them. And we didn't even spend that long in France. Just two centuries or so.)

And those other languages I've forgotten. English and Greek are the only languages I still have. English because, duh, we were in America. And Greek because - _duh_ - we're Greek goddesses. And gods when you're referring to all those manly immortal men.

Speaking of manly immortal men, code name "gods", they were all on the site. Writing stories. About stuff. A brilliant idea struck me. _I could write, too_. So Athena's happy. That's just a bad side affect. Those manly immortal men are writing. The womanly immortal women, they're also writing. Oh, they think they can _outwrite_ me in this competition for the manly immortal men? (Oh, fine, the _gods_. "Manly immortal men" is a pain. Too long.)

No way they could outwrite me. The _gods_ were all writing. And the _goddesses_ were, too, trying to get attention, probably. I will outwrite them!

So, what to write about? Hmm... All those lovely pairings! What is the best match... The lady should obviously be _beautiful_ and _lovely_. Who was the most beautiful? The loveliest? No contest: me. _I_ should be the lady! And the man...

I created the best man with the best name _ever_. Then, I went to my document manager and began to write the story.

aphrodite is grate. shes butiful and luvly. and gess wut - i AM aphrodeti. im da godis uv luv an marig. im da best laydee evr. liek al da godz luv me and day WISSH day cood mary me. but aphrodite oenlee dayts the best men: arez, sum mortl guyz, anf da best of dem all: da luvly aphrodito.

aphrodite wuz woking thru da park o luv on olimpis. a butiful guy caym up and sed yer butiful im aphrodito wuts yer name wil u mari mee aphrodite sed sher hansim ad day got mareed an kist and livd hapilee evr aftr

Oh, yay! And all those red squiggles! I loved the color red! It was the color of valentines! And hearts! And love! And my story was even awesomer! I learned that word from Apollo.

My story would _so_ beat the other stories. It was the best on the fandom already, and I hadn't even posted it yet! Wowwow! Awesomeness!

I agreed to the guidelines (without reading them, of course), and then I posted the story. I went to the godly archive and read the other gods' stories. Lame, most of them. But a few were great. I saw my story, and favorited and followed it immediately. Why not? It was my favorite. I remembered when Demeter reviewed her own story, and I realized that she was a _genius_. (In this case, I actually meant it as a compliment!) I went to the story and typed my review in the box:

_i luv it me! im da best riter evr! awesomeness! i luv ur riting stile! _

I posted the review, and then realized what my last sentence was. Ah... Athena's been having a bad influence on me. Why ever did I write that?

Oops.

I got bored quickly, as the other gods never seemed to write good, nice romances. So, I logged out and went to spy on a lovely demigod couple: Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase. They were on the beach of Camp Half-Blood, sitting together (yay!). But they weren't kissing... Come on! Was a love potion really necessary?

I watched them for a while. When I say "for a while" I mean several hours. No, they didn't stay on the beach the entire time. Of course they didn't. They went to the mess hall for lunch. I kept spying on them. They went to their afternoon activities. I was still watching. At three o'clock or so, they _finally_ kissed. I watched and stared.

But time passed, and I decided to go back to fanfiction. So, I turned on my computer and logged in.

I saw immediately that I'd gotten a PM. It was from someone who's username I didn't recognize. So, not a god. It said, _I'm too polite to put this is a review, but your spelling and grammar need work. Maybe you should activate spell-check._

I made a face, and replied, _i can rite wut i watn so u leev mee lone_

Then, I clicked on Manage Stories, and clicked on my story. Reviews: 4. Favorites: 1. Follows: 1. Communities: 1. I clicked on the _4_ and read my reviews.

Owl of Wisdom: Really, Aphrodite, you need to work on your English. Your spelling is atrocious. You should install spell check. Or maybe you should take English classes. But I know you _do_ know English. You just aren't trying. You disappoint me.

MasteroftheForges: Maybe I could be your beta reader. I put this through my handy Aphrodite-to-English translator, an this is what I got:  
A_phrodite is great. She's beautiful and lovely. And guess what - I AM Aphrodite. I'm the goddess of love and marriage. I'm the best lady ever. Like all the gods love me and they WISH they could marry me. But Aphrodite only dates the best men: Ares, some mortal guys, and the best of them all: the lovely Aphrodito. _

_Aphrodite was walking through the Park of Love on Olympus. A beautiful guy came up and said, "You're beautiful. "I'm Aphrodito. What's your name? Will you marry me?" Aphrodite said, "Sure, handsome." And they got married and kissed and lived happily ever after._

Guest: Why did you review your own story? And speaking of the story, it's really bad. Consider using spell-check.

ThePrettiest: i luv it me! im da best riter evr! awesomeness! i luv ur riting stile!

From the looks of it, none of them actually read the storyline. Like, beyond the "atrocious spelling". (What does _atrocious_ mean?) But at least I got a fave and a follow, right? Both from ThePrettiest. That's me, right? Yeah, it's me.

Ooh, a community? Like, a collection of awesome stories? I clicked on the link, and was taken to the community page.

It was called "Worst Stories on any Fandom". Created by DeathBreath. Hades? The summary says, "Here is a collection of the worst stories I could find on any fandom. Approach, seeker, and beware." Really, Hades, how could you put think my story is one of the worst?

I saw mine in the archive, at the very top. Below it were stories from other gods: a story about cereal from Demeter, a story about Apollo by...Apollo. Well, of course _they_ were terrible. But _my_ story? It was awesome!

I went to Hades's profile and began reading:

_I'm Hades, god of the dead. You want the Underworld? See Charon. His username is _TheFerrymanNotTheCentaur_. You want something else? Ask him, too. You want _me_? Well, die, and then go to Charon. You'll go to the Underworld in a few millennia, and lose your memory, and _then_ you can come to me. _

I sent him a PM. _rily hadez ur profils weerd wy rite taht?adn wy put mi storee in a comunitee for bad storeez? _

Annoyed, I logged out. I would argue with him tomorrow. But right now I just wanted to spy some more. On Clarisse La Rue and Chris Rodriguez. Let's see what Clarisse's reaction is to me writing an article in Olympus Weekly about her...and someone else.

* * *

**A/N - I won't be updating for a few weeks because I'm going away.**


	7. Athena Saves the Day

**Athena's POV:**

As I scanned the Godly Fanfiction Archive, I felt an overwhelming sense of satisfaction. _I've gotten the other gods to write. Lame as their stories may be, they're writing. Because of me. Their writing shall improve, and I shall take the credit!_

I sifted through the stories. I was appalled at the terrible grammar and general writing ability of the other gods. They should take language classes! Maybe apply to a mortal university. Some of the universities actually had decent professors. Maybe they'd learn a thing or two. I had been thinking about starting a university of my own, here on Olympus, but it was a long-term project and wouldn't come into effect for another week or so. A whole week! You'd have thought I was procrastinating!

I don't procrastinate. Forming a college just takes a long time.

This college _really_ will be good for them. Aphrodite especially. I need to thank Hephaestus for the Aphrodite-to-English translator. And the Aphrodite-to-Greek, though the website is slow to load. One of Hermes's pranks, I expect. Revenge for something, probably. Men are immature. I don't need Artemis to tell me that.

So, I have to wait until next week for my university-creating project to be completed. I should do something now. An initial lesson, let's say. Maybe an intro on proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation? Their initiation. Their summer work.

And, thanks to me, we have fanfiction. All the gods will read it. Most of them. I can write it there, plus an awesome self-promoting paragraph or two about how I brought this site to the gods. A wonderful idea. Well, of course it is. Who would expect less from the goddess of wisdom?

I went to my account. On the left, a tab caught my attention. Private Messaging (1). Someone messaged me? Was it to thank me for introducing Fanfiction? I went to my inbox. It was from Hermes. I clicked on it.

_Really, Athena? Didn't you support this site? Why haven't you written anything yet? _

I laughed as I read it. It was a poor argument. I reply, _I notice you haven't written anything yourself, either._ A quick glance at his profile confirmed that. When I returned to my account, he had responded.

_Yeah, well, I'm in the middle of writing something long._

Sure you are. I rolled my eyes and went to my document manager. There, I typed:

* * *

Athena is a genius. Of course you know this already. Athena is the goddess of wisdom. Of course she's a genius. But she is smarter than you think (yes, taking into account that if you yourself have a brain, you already think pretty highly of her wisdom). Last week, Athena found the key to improving the other gods' ghastly writing ability: Fanfiction. Amazed at the variety of options and potential allies in the battle against terrible godly writing, she told the other gods of the site. And now, thanks to Athena's insight and incredible wisdom, the gods may finally learn how to write.

Athena would like to spread the writing skill to mortals as well, and any gods who might read this, so she has decided to include a brief lesson on writing. She recommends that you read carefully and use her tactics.

Let's start with capitalization. The first letter of every sentence is capitalized. For example, you would say "The smartest goddess is Athena", not "the smartest goddess is Athena". Also, names of places and people, called _proper nouns_, are capitalized. So, you would say, "Athena is a genius", not "athena is a genius".

After each sentence comes a period. It looks like this: . You can find the period at the bottom of the keyboard, to the right of the comma and to the left of the slash. You would say, "Athena is smart.", not "Athena is smart". This is very important in _all_ writing. Never, ever, write a sentence and fail to follow it with a period. It is inexcusable.

Commas punctuate lists, as well as join clauses in sentences. They also go after dialogue but before the quotation marks. This is a comma: , You can find it at the bottom of your keyboard, to the right of the M, to the left of the period, right above the space key. It would be correct to write: "Athena is the smartest, so she is the best goddess". Another example of the necessity of comas is found in the sentence "Panda eats, shoots, and leaves". If you fail to put commas in this sentence, people will end up underestimating Panda, and won't know to clear out when they see him eating.

Quotation marks are no less important. They look like this: " . They can be found to the left of the Enter key, and to the right of the semicolon. You put them before and after dialogue. This way, people know what is being spoken and what is being narrated.  
Correct: "I'm unintelligent and can't hope to beat Athena in any way," Poseidon said.  
Incorrect: I'm unintelligent and can't hope to beat Athena in any way, Poseidon said. **(Note: In this incorrect sentence, the content of the dialogue ****_is_**** correct. The only flaw is the lack of quotation marks.)**

The exclamation mark, hence the name, is a mark of exclamation, used when you find a sentence particularly striking or shocking. It looks like this: ! . Like the period, it closes sentences. Unlike the period, it shouldn't be frequently used. Frequent use of exclamation marks is a sign of an amateur. As Athena is no amateur - quite the opposite, in fact - she will not include an example of exclamation marks.

Next up: the colon. It was just used. As lesser minds would put it, it's two periods stacked on top of each other. As _Athena_ would put it, it looks like this: : and it is what comes before a list or explanation, and after an independent clause.

The semicolon is a "period stacked on top of a comma". It looks like this: ; . It's used for separating independent clauses with similar subject. Both a comma and a period could be used, but the semicolon is different from each.

The slash looks like this: / . It's the way lazy people say "or" by only pressing one key. Never use it if you can avoid it. Athena won't.

The & sign is also a tool for the lazier. It's another way of saying _and_. Never use it. Athena was reluctant to use it even to show you what it looks like.

A noun is a person, a place, or a thing. _Poseidon_ is a proper noun. _Idiocy_ is not.

Next, the clause. Clauses are groups of words with both a subject and a predicate that form a compound or complex sentence. Independent clauses can stand on their own. (Example: Poseidon went to Tartarus.) Dependent clauses can't stand on their own; they're dependent on another clause. (Example: Because he was an idiot.)

Athena hopes her mini English lesson has jogged your memories of blissful hours spent in a boiling classroom with a genius droning on about rules of English no mortal could hope to understand without schooling. She thanks you for listening.

(_Your_ thank-yous are not necessary. Athena knows very well that she is a genius, and knows that any mortal with perspective agrees. After all, she _did_ introduce the gods to this site. She definitely deserves applause for that.)

* * *

When I finished, I knew, I'd easily blasted any other gods' efforts out of the water. This was definitely the best story on the site. There could be no competition. None whatsoever. The gods would not be capable of it. Well, not most of them. I guess it would be in the realm of possibility for one or two of them to create a decent story.

I go to New Story. I fill out the requirements there. Title? Athena Saves the Day. Summary? _It's a widely known fact that the gods are terrible at writing. So, Athena has come to save the day. She's introduced the gods to this writing site, Fanfiction, and has written a brief grammar and punctuation lesson. Happy writing! _

I post the story. I was sure the mortals would be grateful that I, the goddess of wisdom, had taken an interest in their knowledge, and had seeked to improve it. They should be. Yet I still wonder if the mortals will pick up on my skills. They might not; they're not really that bright.

I spent the next hour and eleven minutes reading through my math textbook. Olympus University would need a better resource than one of these silly mortal textbooks. I was in the process of writing textbooks of my own, one per day. Today was my math day. I wrote the entire trigonometry lesson in five minutes. Reviewing and all. The whole book was done in an hour.

For the last eleven minutes, I begin the Olympus History. I was ahead of schedule, and I assumed it wouldn't hurt to give it another few minutes before checking up on my new story. So, I wrote up the first few chapters: Golden Ages - Kronos's Rule, The First Gods, and The Titan War. By the time I finished those, I believed I should have gotten some feedback on my story. So, I logged back into Fanfiction.

Private Messaging (1) caught my attention at once. I went to read it. I didn't recognize the username. Not a god. So, who? A mortal? A demigod?

_i'm to polite to put this in a review, but your being very mean and unfriendly in your story. who do you think you are? we all know you arent athena. dont write again if this is all youll write_

I frowned, and replied, _I am Athena, the goddess of wisdom. If I find fault with the writing of mortals and gods alike, I have every right to write a piece about it. By the way, you forgot to capitalize the first letter in _I'm_, _who_, _we_, _Athena_, and _don't_. You also forgot to put an apostrophe in the words _you're_, _aren't_, _don't_, and _you'll_. Then, you forgot to put a period at the end of the last sentence. You could clearly benefit from reading and trying my writing techniques. _

Then, I went to check up on my story. I click on the title first. No favorites. No follows. One community. I click on it to confirm. Yep, it's the gods' mini-archive. I'm surprised no one, mortal or god, found my story useful enough to follow. I might write more, after all. And they didn't favorite it, so others could see it and know it was useful.

But I _did_ get reviews. I go to the review page, and read them.

Moonlight Arrow: Sorry, Athena, but I already know this all.

Guest: ur not being very nice we dont have to do al this fancy stuf it we sont wantto so deleet ths storie and get of the siet

BestEver: I have autocorrect, so this was even more a waste of time than it was for other people. I did not find this useful or helpful. This is a very insulting post for someone who doesn't care about this stuff.

mememe (Guest): oh so athenas perfect? clearly if you think shes actually PERFECT that youre athena huh? you wouldnt call anyone else perfect would you?

ThePrettiest: oh ur so sily athane u htink i care bout this wy shud i tis is stupid noone caers bout tis stuff but u stil think we do im prity athena wy shuld i care bout writng

SeeWaves: Poseidon? Idiocy? Poseidon went to Tartarus because he was an idiot? Seriously, Athena? I'm not _that_ stupid, you know. I picked up on your very subtle attempts to humiliate me.

Guest: This isn't a very good story. There isn't a storyline, and it's just putting down those too lazy to pay attention to their spelling/grammar. I should really report this.

I stared at the screen, aghast. Artemis already knew this all? Well, okay. Her writing's decent. But my other reviewers really needed help.

The first guest had _despicable_ spelling. Did they even read my story? Probably not. I searched for the reply button, but couldn't find it. I shook my head, disgusted.

But there _was_ a reply button next to BestEver's review. I clicked on it, and replied, _If you did not have autocorrect, would you write the way some write without it? If the answer is yes, you should take English classes. How embarrassing it must be for you to have to rely on autocorrect. _

I read mememe's review, and wished I could PM them and tell them that I _am_ Athena, and _do_ think quite highly of myself.

I PMed Aphrodite: _Just because you're the goddess of beauty and love does not mean you can lax on your writing skills. Your writing is pathetic. Six-year-old mortals can write better than you can._

I read Poseidon's review, and rolled my eyes. _Poseidon, you _are_ an idiot. Don't kid yourself. Perhaps if you were smarter, I would not bother you about it._

I read the last guest's review, and wished they knew who they were talking to. It's not a good idea to threaten the goddess of wisdom and war. I do not back down. But this is a guest, and it could be anyone. I could, of course, ask Hephaestus to trace the review - however much I hate to admit it, computer technology is more in his area of expertise than in mine. But I have better things to than hunt down some silly mortal who decided to threaten to report my story.

I logged off, and shut off my computer. I could write more another time. But now, I need to finish my Olympus History textbook.

* * *

**A/N - I hope you liked this chapter (minus the terrible writing if the reviewers. Note: that isn't how I usually write!)**

**Don't expect another chapter for a while. I'm busy, and the year is starting again. But reviews help motivate me!**


End file.
